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Thứ Năm, 6 tháng 3, 2014

17 Examples of Totally Rad 1980s Box Art

Look, the '80s were weird for all of us. It's time to come to terms with that. These are 17 examples of totally rad (and totally weird) video game boxes from the 1980s. Plus one Journey advertisement because we just couldn't resist:

Bad Dudes (1988)

Bad-Dudes

What’s was up with the 1980s and ninjas? Was there a genuine fear that ninjas were hiding everywhere? Did we live in a world where it was remotely plausible that the president would be kidnapped by ninjas? How did that ninja on the cover even get into the middle of a major metropolitan area?!?

Crack Down (1989)

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Crack Down: starring robot Swamp Thing, Satan Goat and... Maybe Bigfoot?

Bonus caption: “Alright, you get the gloves and the vest - I don’t need any of that garbage. Now let’s fire at everything except the horrifying enemies all around us."

Bad Cat (1987)

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Bad cat? Great cat.

One on One: Dr. J vs. Larry Bird (1983)

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Whether its Flashdance cats or oiled up NBA stars, if you put a tough-looking thing in front a graffitied brick wall, in the '80s your job was 90% done.

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (1989)

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In hindsight, this is the 9000th strangest thing Michael Jackson did in his career.

Super Skateboardin' (1988)

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Yup.

California Games (1987)

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It’s a little-known fact that the annual California Games end in beheadings. Sorta like the hunger games, but with big hair and pastel colors.

Also, do the filthy shoes and socks on the left weird anyone else out?

Skate or Die (1988)

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Weird: All the random geometric shapes and patterns that cover stuff from the '80s. Even weirder: This dude's shirt and pants are painted on.

Ninja Golf (1990)

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This game makes no sense! Golfing is literally the opposite of what a ninja does. Ninjas lurk in the shadows. They don’t slowly knock a ball into a hole for 4 hours. Also, does this box literally have "NEW" printed on it, in the corner?

Metro Cross (1985)

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The world’s first and last extreme sports/chess mash-up.

Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II

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Many '80s women picking up this game thinking it it was the video game equivalent to a romance novel were sorely disappointed.

Planetfall (1983)

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Look, saying "It's not just a job - it's an adventure!" still means that it's mostly a job.

Bonus caption: "Alright, who space-pooped?"

Dance Aerobics (1987)

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This reminds us a little of the weird ending of Cabin in the Woods. Just with way more leg warmers.

Journey (1983)

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Don’t stop believin'? More like please stop staring.

Kid Niki: Radical Ninja (1986)

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"I swear I’m going to save you in a minute honey. But first I have to make my logo look like a ransom note."

This one scores bonus points for the "ninja" rocking a totally rad rat tail/muscle tank combo.

Wood & Water Rage (1988)

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The yin-yangs, the radical Donkey Kong... there's a lot to take in, here. But what's most disturbing of all? That tidal wave is literally about to kill them all.

Saboteur II (1987)

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Alright, this is AWESOME. We're not even going to make fun of it. This should be everywhere. Why isn't it on a T-shirt? Why can't we buy this right now? Who painted it? Whoever he is, he doesn't even need business cards. He can just hand this out. To everyone he meets.

Let's break it down. First of all, you occasionally hear about humans having run-ins with a bobcat. Like, one ends up in your neighbor's garage somehow, or something. But we've never heard of one single incidence of a panther/human conflict. Let alone three panthers working together, like a pack of raptors. And then there's the fact that the panthers are squaring off against a KATANA-WIELDING NINJA POPPING A WHEELIE ON A MOTORCYCLE.

But what we really want to know is... what's exploding behind him? Probably another panther.


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